Here is the post that I was to publish last month.
I want to talk to you negativity. It is a hard topic to talk about, because most of us have it in our lives and it’s hard to get rid of or ignore. I personally hate negative people or environments. I feel like that detract from my full potential, regardless of who or what it is. For example. I had a really bad job. The owner was pessimistic and his little helper was a drama queen. Their opinion of you would change quickly and frequently. I heard more cuss words at this job then I ever wanted to hear, especially since we were customer based and professionals.
I quit before I had anything planned. No job to speak of and nothing I could fall back on. But I realized I would rather have a hard time making ends meet then living with the constant attack on my beliefs and very person. I was happier for this. I know there are people out there who say, find something before you quit, but there are those moments when you just have to have faith that it will work out to your benefit and do what you need. I was, at that job, going no where. My confidence was built by failed interviews with airlines.
I have worked several jobs and though I didn’t quite like them I could do them and still be happy and not feel soulless. To me those are the jobs you stick with. You don’t enjoy them but you can find happiness in them. It is those jobs that you stick with until what you want works out, you know for the money to pay for bills.
Now on to the the people.
People are harder to get rid of. They sometimes don’t understand that you don’t want them in your life, ever. Staying long past their expiration date. Then again some are family and you really can’t get rid of them. They keep coming back over and over again, and because you love them you let them. Totally eliminating them becomes a problem.
My father, my dear father, is one of the later ones. Family that I can not be around. His disappointment of how my life is going, what I am doing, how I am doing it. The fact that I only have my associates degree. Our conversations are mainly about him and his problems. In fact we only really talk if there is something bad going on in his life. I have stopped reaching out to him, talking about me and what I am doing. If he wants to hear about my then he can ask, if he wants to see my he can make the effort. I am done wasting my time and effort on someone who doesn’t want to love me or be a part of my life. He will never approve of me, and that’s fine. It hurts, but I will live.
I know in my heart, that what I am doing is what I can do now. Yes there is always going to be something I could have done differently, or do better at, or do more of. More effort, more dedication, more money, more whatever. But if I focus on what I am lacking then come on depression and not doing anything. I rather focus on what I have done.
I rather focus on the good in my life. Like being able to change my windshield wipers by myself in the rain, or finally learning how to do that one recipe I couldn’t get right. Or the smell of rain, the warmth of a fire, the laughter of friends, the joy of a really good book. I could weigh myself down with the negativity that seems to haunt the corners of my life, but I tell myself to let go of the things I didn’t do just right, the things I could have worked harder on, the things I could have done differently.
It will happen in due time. I find that if I am not making all the effort into something I really want, then there is a fear, a doubt that is holding me back. It means that I am not truly ready for that move and I learn something else, I grow until I am ready. I will always allow myself the time that I need to be ready for what I want. I won’t settle for half way or not good enough, just because something better won’t come along. I am worth the time invested in me by me, I am worth waiting for and am worth the effort it takes to learn something. If someone doesn’t approve, well, it’s not their life, they don’t have to live it. I do though, so I better make sure that I love it.